One life, no labels: breaking the cycle and returning to who we are

These days are 19 years since my mom died, and before this thought crept into my mind, I had already started thinking a lot about the fact that we’ve got one life to spend in this world. Only one. It’s a limited time, yet we live as if we were immortal, as if wasting time were a luxury we could afford forever. I’ve been sitting with this idea of reverence for time, life, and death, a concept a trainer proposed in the course I’ve been taking this summer. We easily forget that everything ends, quickly postpone what matters and often let labels, expectations, and fears dictate the shape of our days. Life, I’m learning, is a long series of learning experiences and the lessons arrive whether we are ready or not.

The weight of labels

In the past few weeks, another idea has been growing in my mind: ableism, psychology, and psychiatry labels often make people believe they are disabled, incomplete, or broken.

But there are more empowering perspectives to how we can live and so many more efficient and effective tools to help us take back our power, to live more in accordance with what we actually want and truly need, and less like how we think others expect us to. Just like a teacher used to say, “labels are for jars and tin cans, not for people.” The Pygmalion effect explains this perfectly: people rise or fall to the expectations placed on them. When someone is labelled, they often begin to behave as if the label were true even when it isn’t. I realized how much we limit our own and other people’s potential the moment we put a label on ourselves or on others.

And of course, I thought of my mother. I wonder what her life would have looked like if she hadn’t carried the weight of the “depressive” label for so many years before she decided to end it. I wonder how different my sister’s and my life could have been, how different our family dynamics, and even my own life would have been at this very moment. The past has passed. It left traces, marks, coping mechanisms, but I know it depends on me to choose differently now.

Breaking the cycle

So I’m breaking the cycle not perfectly, not instantly but intentionally. Each day is an opportunity to make small choices, one at a time, mindfully, with the end goal in mind, that can bring significant results and change in our thoughts, which alter our behaviours, which influence our way of interacting with people, and ultimately our lifestyle. I’m determined to keep myself mindful and accountable for my choices and the way I live my life, so my daughter won’t have to be the one responsible for breaking a bad cycle.

Authenticity plays a huge role here. When you are authentic in yourself and in your interactions, you allow others to take responsibility for their own lives and to live authentically themselves. You stop rescuing, over‑explaining, or shrinking. You simply stand in who you are.

I see this often in my work. One of my male clients recently fell back into old choices after weeks of progress. Not because he didn’t know what to do, but because authenticity requires practice, not perfection. It reminded me that change is not linear. It’s a series of returns.

The road not taken

It was my mom who unconsciously inspired me to take “the road not taken” and become a Style Coach™, even when my path seemed already decided and headed toward a brilliant career in human resources. But it wasn’t the style itself that called me. It was the inner confidence and self‑knowledge that come with it because style, for me, is not about expensive things or extravagant treatments. It takes so little, financially, to feel better in your own body and so much desire and determination to get back to the roots of who you are on an identity level. And just like colours that look good on you may not look good on me, the way of living that suits you may not suit me. Identity is personal. Style is personal. Worldview is personal. There is no universal formula. There's only the courage to choose what fits. That’s what I’m fighting for. That’s what I’m teaching people about.

Innate confidence

In the past few years, while raising my daughter, I’ve noticed how we are born with an innate confidence that the socialization process often suffocates and dismisses. How easy it would be for younger generations to return to that inner knowing earlier! How different the world could be if we raised our children with this idea in mind! This is why I integrate NLP principles into my work, not to manipulate, but to educate people on how to think reasonably, intentionally, and clearly, rather than sporadically or reactively. Clarity is a skill. Confidence is a skill. Identity is a practice.

The dream that asked to be spoken

One evening a couple of days ago, while I was putting her to bed, my daughter asked me to tell her about a dream of mine. She had already told me about a dream she was having while pretending to be asleep, and now it was my turn. She couldn’t have chosen a better moment. Something I’ve been feeling and imagining for months had finally begun to take shape. I had even found starting points to turn it into reality, at least for a few people at first.

I told her about my dream of a world where people lived happily and contributed to the collective good with their talents, ideas, and projects because they felt so confident in their bodies and so at ease in their lives that they spent no time judging one another or other people’s ideas, ways of living, dressing, and being. A world where people felt free and entitled to be themselves, without wasting energy worrying about prejudices, stereotypes, or unimportant things.

I tried to keep it short, but she kept asking for more details. She loved it. And I loved that she loved it. It felt like a confirmation: I’m on the right track. Even if I’m going slowly, even if I’m imperfect, even if I still have work to do to become one of the people living in my dream world. I’m determined to follow this dream and do my best to turn it into reality for as many people as possible in my imperfect way, in my small corner of the world.

My invitation to you

What are you dreaming to experience for yourself or do for others and when will you begin?

Your time here is limited. Dreams need to become plans divided into small, manageable chunks, so they can be translated into actions that change your world, and maybe even the world around you. I'd love to read about your dream here or here.